


to let you be happy

by ohwhatevrewhatevr



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Personal Growth, background canonical romantic relationships, focused on Will and his sexuality, references to canonical abuse, unwilling coming out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-02 00:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20266834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohwhatevrewhatevr/pseuds/ohwhatevrewhatevr
Summary: "Then what do you mean?" Will yells, feeling like his mom and dad, feeling like his seven-year-old self hiding in his room, listening to them scream when they were supposed to love each other."I mean that - you wanted to kiss me so you should- you should get to kiss me."Will rubs his face. God, Mike is stupid. He's so unbearably stupid; it's like watching a second Steve Harrington in action.TL;DR: A fic loosely following canonical plotlines where Will is gay and doesn't get the boy, but his mom loves him, and he's gay, so really he's the winner (except with less blasé humor).





	to let you be happy

"You can be straight," Will says. 

He nods to himself in the mirror. 

He'll push his thoughts about Mike, about the edge of his wrist that juts out or the edges of his knuckles and the flop of his ridiculous thick hair and the pale, freckled curve of his neck and the sliver of stomach Will gets to see when the shirts he's outgrown ride up.

Will stares at himself and stretches his face. He has to check himself now because whenever he sees his reflection in the mirror, there's the look of an absolute goner when he's looking at or thinking about Mike. It's exactly, and terrifyingly, the way Mike looks at El and Nancy had looked at Steve but now looks at Jonathan. 

He looks at Mike the way he looks at new DnD pieces or the latest sci-fi movie, and that's dangerous, he knows. 

Will takes in a deep breath and gazes into his eyes through the mirror. 

"You need to stop," Will says, emphatically enunciating. "You're going to destroy everything."

All he sees is his sad-looking face. His mom always tells him to cheer up and hums at his sulking, and Will wonders if he even has her genes. She can be sort of dramatic sometimes. There's also the question of whether Jonathan does either because everyone likes to tell them they're one miserable looking pair. Which, sure, and it's not like Will really cares, but he does wonder. He wonders if they know that it takes a lot for them to feel good, feel safe.

Music blasting until the thin walls shake, lying back up on his bed, staring at the wall, Jonathan at his side, the doors locked as his parents yelled. Scared, frustrated and no words to put to it even as hard as Jonathan tried to help Will work through it.

_I'm wrong_, Will will admit to his dad when he snarls and confronts him, a particularly bad day. _I know I'm wrong._

_Then fix it. Fix this family, Will,_ His dad demands, shaking his shoulders, shaking Will's entire body with his broad hands and large frame.

_I-_Will had ended up tearing up, but leaking more snot than tears, and angering his dad even more anyway. He couldn't. He didn't get it. He didn't really get where he was different, and it wasn't like he didn't know that he was or that he didn't want to be normal. Being normal would be so much easier, but he just didn't know exactly where he wasn't normal. He didn't know how to be normal.

He was just. Will Byers, nerd extraordinaire.

Will sighs and rubs his face before he slaps his cheeks.

"C'mon, Will, you can be happy."

He pauses, looking at the bags under his eyes and tense shoulders. 

"Or at least fake it," he mutters to himself, letting his shoulders fall.

He comes out of the bathroom and goes back into his room. Not that anyone noticed that he'd left. They'd all congregated in his bedroom, scattered all over his bed and floor, and Lucas is holding hands with Max, getting served with flat looks and returning his own indignant ones with every other word he says. Mike is lying on Will's bed, flat and reaching both end with the recent growth spurt. He isn't even thinking about the fact that he's lying on Will's bed and making it smell like his shampoo and deodorant because the thought hasn't even occurred to him. It clearly hasn't occurred to anyone and even his mom doesn't blink when Will has one of the guys over and closes the door.

He doesn't want her to be embarrassing, but still. It could happen. He could have that.

Except Will won't ever, and he doesn't even really want it anyway. Kissing is sort of gross and wet, and it leads to other gross wet stuff, and honestly, Will just thinks that he wants to have fun and learn interesting things. Anything, anything at all that doesn't involve drama and being terrified every second of his life in a morbid mockery of his world.

"Do you think she's thinking about me?" Mike asks, cutting through the chatter.

Dustin, who had been arguing with Lucas, stops in his tracks and all three of them - Will feels so grateful for them - give him a vaguely sickened look.

"Dude," Dustin says, "just go meet her or stop moaning about it."

"I'm not moaning," Mike snaps, sitting up, mussing Will's bed. He hunches his back, sitting crosslegged. "I'm just- I'm- this is you know normal. The girl I love can't meet me and so-"

"It's been two weeks," Lucas says, a grimace of irritation on his face.

"You two aren't even officially dating," Max points out, the two of them still holding hands.

Will sighs and closes his door, and Mike takes that as a cue to wheedle Will. 

"C'mon guys!" Mike says, throwing his hands up, clearly going into sulk mode. He turns to Will specifically, "I mean, you get it right? You've been watching your brother and Nancy all summer."

Will gingerly crawls on the bed and sits a measured distance away from Mike. He shrugs, and immediately, Dustin and Lucas take that as their cue to bash Mike.

"Are you kidding me, you're like twelve and Jonathan's eighteen-"

"I'm fourteen-"

"Mike, seriously, this is just embarrassing. She didn't even say she likes you-"

"Lucas and Max are literally holding hands-"

"Don't you think that El should get a say?"

"We KISSED!" Mike yells, throwing his hands up.

All three of them eye Mike.

"That doesn't mean anything unless you make it official," Lucas says.

Max nods, making that typical look of disdain. "She's not yours yet, and even if she is, she doesn't have to stay yours. I mean maybe she found a cute guy-"

Immediately, the yelling starts up again, and Will suddenly feels the need to exit the room. His own room. He really needs to take a stand, but the second he opens his mouth to say something, the door opens, and his mom pokes her head in.

"Hey sweetie," she says to Will first before smiling reassuringly at all the heads snapped towards her. Then, "So Max's dad called, and he says her brother is coming by to pick her up."

All five of them share a look.

Max stands up, letting go of Lucas' hand. "Thanks, Mrs. Byers." She hunches her shoulder slightly, red hair falling in tangles around her as she reaches for her backpack. "I'll be right out."

"Oh, no, no, no rush, Max" his mom insists, "I just wanted to let you know. I'll let you know when he's here."

Max nods, shifting her feet awkwardly and then his mom looks at him and smiles, checking in. Will nods before she finally closes the door, and the atmosphere shifts.

"Do you want us to walk you to the car?" Dustin offers.

Max rolls her eyes, sitting heavily down on Will's bed to face Lucas. "I'll be fine. I told you guys that after the demogorgons, Billy's been leaving me alone."

"Yeah, but-" Lucas starts.

Max shoots Lucas a look that Will doesn't see, and Mike turns to Will, both of them thinking. Lucas mutters a ouch after there's a muted thunk. He probably got kicked in the shins.

"We'll walk you to the car," Mike finally says. "He could always use a reminder."

Max snaps her head around, brow knitted, biting her cheek. She lets out a puff of air, crossing her arms over her chest, and then says with more sarcasm than Will has ever mustered in his entire life, "Yeah, sure, Mike. Whatever."

She glances over at Will, ignoring Mike's slight indignant jaw drop, and her expression is slightly less aggressive. Her blue eyes are unnerving with her intensity, but Will's set free when she turns back towards Luke and Dustin.

"Ugh. Can you guys just stop?" She says, spreading her arms out in irritation.

"What?" Dustin asks. "You're one of us."

"I am not-"

"One of us," Lucas says with a shrug and his hand held out.

"One of us," Mike says at the same time as Will, and Max is probably making a face that only worsens when they start chanting on Dustin's cue.

She yells, protesting before finally, she cracks. The laugh escape to her horror, and when they egg her on, she doesn't have a chance to regain her indifference. Max actually starts laughing at them, red-faced and clearly unwillingly, before she falls back, a good chunk of her hair falling into Will's lap. She glances up at him, and cracks a faintly embarrassed smile, rolling her eyes. "Fine, I'm one of you losers."

Will gives a tiny apologetic shrug at her, and her eyes seem to soften the slightest. 

Her hair is really soft against Will's legs, strands of intertwined red and gold, and Will thinks about how no wonder guys like girls. Nancy too, her hair with tawny gold curls pillowing her face and her reluctant, but overwhelming, hard won smiles. Warm at the heart of them. It was- sweet, really really sweet, Will thinks. He's not sure he could ever pull off that sweet or cute.

There's a knock on the door, and Max is already getting up before his mom even peeks her head in, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

They follow her to Billy's car without much fanfare, all of them staring neutrally at the teenager from where they are as Max gets into the shotgun. 

They watch the siblings say something to each other, Max's expression tightening the slightest, and Billy shoots them a cool glare, but Max waves with a small smile as Billy pulls out of the driveway, and then the two Hargroves are gone, and Lucas lets out a visible sigh. Will shoots Lucas a sideways glance.

"I should probably go too, " Dustin says, checking his watch. "I promised Mom I'd watch The Golden Girls with her."

"Yeah, same," Lucas says, "I need to get back home in time for dinner to eat Erica's vegetables for her, or she's going to tattle about me and Max."

"Uh, yeah," Will says, seeing their apologetic expression, but not really wanting to accept them. He had been sort waiting for Max to leave so he could suggest DnD without making anyone feel left out, but he guesses not. 

He turns to Mike too while Lucas and Dustin race back into the house for their helmets and bags.

"It's okay if you need to go too."

Mike turns to Will. "What? No. I'm good until sunset. I try not to get home until Nancy does to stop my parents from annoying me."

Will blinks. Mike knows that Will knows that they both know that the Wheelers basically give their kids free reign and that Nancy and Mike are both too stubborn to be ordered around. Not to mention that ever since Will had been found again, and Mike had ended up being right, they fought him a lot less as long as he kept his grades up.

"Uh, okay," Will says. "Want to listen to some music? Jonathan was fixing up a new stereo in the garage, and I think he finished yesterday."

Mike lights up at that. "Okay, listen, Will. Wait, no- I've -I've got the perfect idea," he yells, racing into the house, and Will can't help the little nervous, happy laugh that passes his lips as he watches Mike slip away into the garage.

Dustin and Lucas come out a second later and then glance at Will who's standing alone and probably making that face, the one he's not supposed to make.

"Hey," Dustin says, "want us to stay?" 

Will shakes his head, "No, it's okay, you guys can go."

Lucas and Dustin both look at him, and he feels a little bit too seen.

Luke pauses, looking up and then back at Will, "Alright, man, well use the walkie-talkie if you need anything." 

Both of them touch him lightly on the shoulder when they pass him by, and Will stands there for a moment, feeling the warmth of their hands on his shoulder before he turns and watches them bike away. 

Will walks into the garage and finds Mike fiddling with a CD in his hand, the open case next to him. He's sitting on a couple of boxes, but his feet lay flat on the cement. He doesn't seem to notice Will at first and actually jumps as Will leans in to inspect the CD Mike's holding. It's one of Will's moms. One of those incredibly gooey romantic songs by some guy with a head full of long styled hair and a full mustache.

"This is you're idea?" Will asks, a little disbelieving. It's weird that he's nervous to be making fun of Mike.

"Uh, yeah..." Mike says. His eyes flit away. "So like it was an idea for me to mail a mixtape or something to El, but y'know it's kind of stupid and well..."

He trails off, and Will has stopped worked, caught between a rock and a hard place. Lying and encouraging Mike or telling the truth and probably having Mike never speak to him again. 

"So, I uh-" Mike puts the CD down and reaches for the remote and only ends up fiddling with it when Will still hasn't said anything. "I saw you looking at Billy at the other day when we passed by the pool."

Will takes in a very very shaky breath and forces himself to reply. "What are you talking about, Mike?" He walks over like everything is normal and sits down on the turned over cabinet they use as a makeshift chair or table. He'd take the Mindflayer any day over this.

Mike fidgets and stares intently at the remote, twisting his lips together before he looks up at Will with his dark brown eyes, and it's- he's seeing Will.

Mike knows.

Will is about to scrambled back and make a run for it because he can't know. He can't.

But the second he flinches back, Mike is reaching out, red lips parted to say something, the pale squareness to his hands somehow Will's downfall as his eyes drop to it. He freezes at the sight, and his eyes shoot back up when he realizes how long he's been staring at Mike's hand.

He expects fear of disgust or remorse or - he expects Lonnie's face to be merged with Mike's. Except.

He isnt, he isn't looking at Will like there's something- his eyes are warm, concerned, and - Will's chest fills, the adrenaline thrumming through his veins - God, Will is going to do something incredibly-

"Mike," Will says.

Mike and El aren't dating yet, he reminds himself, not technically, so Will asks, back hunched, fingers laced together tightly enough that his fingers have gone white.

"Could I just," he snaps his head up to look at Mike, eyes wide, he feels cold instead of warm, and that's appropriate he supposes. Bad things are cold. The Mindflayer likes the cold. Will feels like he's been vivisected and put on displayed. He struggles for breath and feels elated at the same time. To be finally seen. "-just," he reaches out to touch Mike's cheek, barely touching, and Mike doesn't flinch, just stares him wide-eyed with a sort of dumb look on his face. His expression softens just the slightest and Will knows that could mean a hundred and one things, a gentle refusal, pity, resignation, but- a rebellious hope rises in the terror.

"Just once, and I promise I'll _never_. And I mean _never_, ask again or ever bring it up or anything. I just want to-"

Mike is the one who's staring intently and is the one who grabs Will's shoulders and who leans in, eyes fallen shut, and it takes Will a moment to close his own because Mike is gripping both his shoulders tightly and the feel of Mike's hair between his fingertips and the warmth of his soft cheek. And his.

Lips.

His lips. And Will's. And it feels - it feel damningly right. Will wants to push forward, wants to deepen it, wants to kiss like he sees on the romantic dramas his mom watches.

Wants to slide his hands through Mike's hair, over his arms and tangle his fingers in Mike's. Want to lean up against him, lean his head on Mike's shoulder on lazy days, wants to press up against him and feel him real and solid, wants to be able to want, want to-

Mike is the one who pulls back too, eyes open now, searching Will's face. "Okay?" He asks, voice slightly rougher than usual. It's a whisper in his awkward voice, transitioning between boy and man.

Will thinks he might be trembling, but there's a big smile spreading on his face. He's not sure if he wants to laugh or cry because Mike's hands are still warm on his biceps. 

"Yeah. Okay," Will replies. He loves Mike. He feels safe when Mike's stupidly overprotective and careful with him, brown eyes sincerely looking for confirmation. 

Mike gives a little nod.

"Just-" Will swallows, drawing his hands into his lap, tilting his head down. He can't look at Mike. "I wasn't looking at Billy because I thought he was like- I don't like him. I just don't really get what people see in him, why just like him being shirtless is enough to get him that much attention." 

"Right?" Mike groans, "I can't believe there are so many girls that like that. I mean seriously."

Will lifts the corner of one of his lips, and Mike takes it as a cue to continue.

"Steve too, I mean he was lame before too. He's okay now, but like he wasn't ever that cool that people need to swoon over him."

"He's sort of," Will says, "dorky."

Mike snorts, "Right? I was trying to tell Nancy that, but nooo~" He turns to Will. "I'm really glad she's dating Jonathan now, to be honest. At least she's more normal now instead of being all like giggly and sneaking him into her bedroom."

Will groans, "That's because Jonathan is sneaking her into his, and Mom doesn't care or she's just passed out on her bed, so she doesn't notice."

"Oh," Mike snorts.

Will rolls his eyes. "Yeah. _Oh_."

And just like that, just like that - 

"When do you think we're going to play DnD again" Will asks, calming the organ in his chest trying to beat its way out.

"What?" Mike says, turning around, looking genuinely confused. "Oh, we can play whenever."

Will resists the urge to smother Mike's dumb expression.

"But we haven't played for a month," Will points out impatiently. "Dustin's leaving for camp soon too."

"Yeah, but that's like- there was the whole dimension things and the demodogs and then summer just started, so-"

"Can we just-" Will says, turning away, sharper than he'd intended.

Mike is silent before he shifts over and touches Will's arm. He hunches over a little to be right on eye level with Will, brown eyes intent. "Let's set up a campaign for tomorrow."

"What?" Will says.

"Yeah, right now. Let's go over to my house. We can bike over, and then when Jonathan drops Nancy off, he can pick you up. It'll be great."

Will almost says yes immediately, but the basement is sort of El and Mike's space now. You can tell with the way they interact with each other down there. She had lived there for a while apparently, so it's not a surprise, but Mike just going to miss her more if they're there. Actually there's still the whole mixtape thing too. Will briefly considers mentioning it again, but if Mike's determined about it then Will's opinion won't really matter in the end, so he keeps his mouth shut.

"Will?" Mike asks concerned. "Are you-"

He's too close, and Will is thinking about how they just- Mike had just. Will turns bright red and shoots up. "Yeah- yeah, let's go." 

He nearly runs away and thinks that if he has to stay still in his house alone or anywhere for that matter where he can think, he's going to dramatically fling himself off something. The bike ride to Mike's house will be good, and hey, he can even suggest not going through the shortcut. They'd stopped for a while after everything, but with Will's permission, had started up again. Will can just say that today's not that kind of a day. Mike won't mind. 

It's been a week since the Event, and they're at Mike's house, cleaning up after their last game before Dustin leaves tomorrow. Dustin left earlier to go pack, and Lucas had left a few minutes ago, muttering something about chores, so now it's just the two of them. Will's brain isn't exactly functioning at that thought. He has to keep on drawing his thoughts back to demogorgons and the backstory he's been refining for his character still.

"So," Mike asks, splayed out on the couch, chucking the DnD piece up and down. "When did you know?"

"I thought we weren't talking about it," Will says immediately, reorganizing the pieces for their campaign. He accidentally knocks a few over at Mike's words.

Mike's not a quitter, and mostly, Will loves that, but also he'd love to strangle Mike for it. It was supposed to be over with with that. That Event was supposed to have stopped all of Will's urges and made him Normal. 

"Yeah, well," Mike says switching from lying on the couch to sitting with his arms folded over his knees. "I just- I just keep thinking that it's not that weird, y'know."

Will takes it as a win when he doesn't stiffen or still in any way. "What's not weird, Mike?" He says, carefully keeping his eyes on the pieces.

"I mean, you liking boys. "

Will thinks about saying thanks, but he really doesn't want to. Ever since the Upside down, since the Mindflayer, he doesn't have the patience anymore to be timid, to play timid, especially with his friends. He was always the uncertain one. He's really not anymore, and honestly, all of them are growing up and rounding out their personalities. He doesn't have to be that Will anymore.

"It is weird, Mike. It's weird especially because we live in the middle of nowhere Hawkins, and we have a population of about a thousand and only one high school."

"Yeah, but it's not-"

"You're really not making me feel better about it, and also we said no talking about it."

"You said no talking about it."

"I thought it was implicitly agreed upon when you-" Will shuts up then, face red, hackles risen. He has the urge to lick his lips or touch them to know that they're still there. 

Mike looks vaguely hurt and probably he's thinking Will is overreacting, but he's really not. Mike didn't grow up with Will's dad and yeah his is a snore, but Will would've loved to have a snore of a dad. He almost did too.

Don't think about that, Will tells himself. It's enough seeing the listlessness in his mom.

"When I kissed you," Mike says stubborn as ever. He stands up off the couch. "When I kissed you, Will! I kissed you!" And he says it angry and not embarrassed at all, eyes boring into Will. His knobby arms are splayed out in frustration and a traitorous part of Will's brain thinks he looks sort of hot all bothered like that. Ugh. Gross, Will, thinks. Right. Yeah. Those are the thought he should be thinking instead. Gross. Mike, angry and worried.

"Because you pity me," Will replies, rubbing over the worn wood of the wizard as he looks down. 

Mike furrows his brow. "Are you kidding me right now, Will? I can't believe you."

Will sits down heavily on the chair. He looks up hopelessly at Mike. "Tell me you don't love, El then. Tell me you don't want to one day marry her and have a bunch of kids and live happily in a nice two-story house with a picket fence like we're supposed to want to do."

"Of course I love El," Mike yells, and it hurts even if Will knew. He knew. He knew, and it still hurts and something in him crumples up, withdrawing. the past week since the Event has been completely normal, but also like a dream because Will could have this ridiculous fantasy to hold onto. "But like, you're you. You're- you're my best friend Will. I don't want- I don't want you to not get to kiss someone just because you're a little different."

"You don't want me to not get to kiss someone," Will repeats slowly, eyes on Mike.

"I want," Mike finally says, voice hoarse. "I want -I want you to get this-"

"What- so you pity me? You pity me for not having someone to kiss? Or-or you think that no one would ever want to kiss me and so you, the oh-so-great- Mike Wheeler deigns to kiss me-"

"You know that's not what I meant-"

"Then what do you mean?" Will yells, feeling like his mom and dad, feeling like his seven-year-old self hiding in his room, listening to them scream when they were supposed to love each other. 

"I mean that - you wanted to kiss me so you should- you should get to kiss me."

Will rubs his face. God, Mike is stupid. He's so unbearably stupid it's like watching a second Steve Harrington in action. "So what- are you offering to date me? Are you offering to kiss me whenever I want? Do you want to cheat on El?"

"No-no of course not. I mean to the - to the cheating on El part. We're not, we're not even officially dating yet, okay. And she'd- El's amazing. She'd get it-"

"She wouldn't, Mike," Will says low, voice hushed. "You don't get it. El would be pissed that you kissed me-"

"She'd get it," Mike says desperately, and it's obvious he's going to be fixated on this point for the rest of the night, because, well, it's Eleven, and Will's never going to be more important than her in Mike's head, and well, what had Will expected? She's a cute, nice, superpowered girl. Mike genuinely likes her, and he probably even loves her. Of course he does, he'd just said it after all. He shouldn't have gotten his stupid hopes up. Shouldn't have asked Mike to- 

Will shrugs and shakes his head. His shoulders sink. 

"-wouldn't ever abandon you, Will. Yes. Yeah," Mike says. "If you want, you could live with me and El and if she wants kids, we'll have kids and you'll live with us and our kids. You think I'm kidding, Will? You think I want to lose any of you? I found El because I was looking for you."

Why couldn't Mike just have found Will instead? Why couldn't he have seen him and just- 

Will stands up. "Forget it."

"Will-"

"Forget it, Mike," Will screams. It feels good. "So what if I'm a- I'm a flaming faggot. I've been bullied pushed around my whole life for it. It's only right. It only fits because that's what I am."

"Why are you-" Mike is looking distressed, and bordering sulky, and he's not nearly as loud as Will which is a big change from the usual.

"Because!" Will yells, not knowing where the hell he wants to go with this. There's no where to go with this anyway. No where good at least. "Because," he starts again, "you don't like me the way I want you to."

"So it's my fault." Mike says, a sharp laugh coming up from his throat, defensive and hurt. "So it's my fault because I wasn't born _gay_?"

"No," Will shouts, and maybe, Will should react to that word, the one he's not allowed to say, to be, but that's for later, for when he's alone at night and he can't hold the ugly tears back, "it's not, but it hurts anyway. Don't you get that? Can't you wrap your head around the fact that sometimes it's no one's fault? That sometimes bad things happen and no one can help it and they just keep- they just keep on happening-"

He's crying now.

Mike is probably shiny-eyed too. No, Will knows he is. He knows Mike.

"Please, just leave it, Mike. I didn't choose this."

"I know that. I- I didn't either, okay? But. But the four of us? We chose each other. Can't we just- can't we just be okay? I just want us to be okay."

Will wheezes a breath and says, face crumpling up, "I haven't been okay since I got taken by the Mindflayer. I haven't been okay since- I've never been okay, Mike. My dad wanted to beat this out of me, and the kids at school did too, and my everyone pities my mom and dad, and do you even see the way my house looks compared to any of yours? I'm not- I've never been okay, okay, Mike? I'm not the kind of person who gets to be okay." He's breathing heavily now, and there's the click of the door and steps, and-

"Get out, Nancy!" Mike yells, deafening even when his voice is too high and cracking.

Will's chest grows warm at Mike's protectiveness even if he doesn't hear what Nancy says over his hyperventilating, but a moment later there is the click of the door again.

There's a pause, a temporary stalemate between them. Between Mike Wheeler and Will Byers because even when Will's arguing with him, Mike will protect him, will block out all the bad things like he's always made sure to do for Will. 

"I kissed you because I love you," Mike says, the words ripping out of him, sharp and directed. "Not the way you want me to but because I love you, and I've never told anyone I love you since I was like five, and it was only to my mom and probably really reluctantly, okay, so just- "

"Not even El?" Will asks, selfishly.

"Not even El," Mike says. 

And it's dumb, but- Will grabs Mike's wrist and yanks him as he leans forward and wraps his arms around Mike and holds on. It feels good. It feel right, Mike's bony structure and terrible choice in both smell and amount of cologne. It's not okay, no, but Will doesn't have the words for this, for all the anger and terror he feels constantly, and more than that, he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to- he wants caring about Mike to be enough and Mike caring about him to be enough.

Mike wraps his arms around Will immediately.

"Don't tell anyone I said this though."

Will sighs.

"Sorry," Mike mutters. "You can tell them. Just not Nancy."

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Will says, split between holding on too tightly and just barely. The dried tears on his cheeks feel uncomfortable on his skin. If he kissed Mike now. Again. If- nothing good comes of his impulsiveness. He knows that. But he wants to have the right to touch him.

"I love you too, MIke," Wills says.

Mike leans into the hug a little more. His breathing is uneven too.

Will is the one who separates them this time, a smile plastered on his face, resigned but more natural than before. He takes in a breath. "Okay."

'We're okay?" Mike asks, intently, in the way that Will knows the rest of them would take as patronizing. But he likes it because it's Mike all the way through. It's his way of showing care.

Will gives a short, sharp nod. "We're okay."

Mike lets out a sigh of relief. 

"For a second, I thought I might actually lose you again," Mike mutters. Will knows Dustin and Lucas wouldn't get to hear these words from Mike. Just him.

And El, of course.

"Everything does feel a bit upside down," Will comments, feeling the fight drain out of him. 

Mike's little curl of his lips and surprised laugh makes Will's stomach have butterflies. 

"Yeah, it sort of does."

Will's shoulder sink completely at that, and he breathes, and that had been sort of too dramatic and too embarrassing. He doesn't know what pushed him to this point. Nothing's that bad for him. Will's fine. He'll be fine.

The only thing that matters is that he'd yelled at Mike and Mike had yelled back and that it didn't end in them no longer being friends. 

El comes back from her short vacation away from Hawkins, of course.

Mike and El kiss and start officially dating, of course.

Will spends a lot of time being the third wheel for two couples, of course.

He spends all his time thinking about and replaying his one, pathetic first kiss, of course.

He doesn't get to play any DnD, _of course_.

And -

"It's not my fault you don't like girls," Mike says.

Mike comes running for him in the pounding rain, soaking wet and in a panic because he's Mike Wheeler, and he's Will Byers. All of this is inevitable, and it was all going to happen of course.

The Mindflayer comes back obviously.

Because Mike gets caught up in El, and Will gets caught up in the Upside Down and gets to suffer and nothing really changes every year. The same old plot on replay.

Will just wants- well, he's not really allowed to say what he wants in front of anyone. Because he knows he'll hurt them if he does. He'll make things complicated, for his mom, his brother; he'll make things awkward and tiring. He'll make people leave.

For few long moments, he had been allowed to say some of those things to Mike. But those moments have come and gone, and now, it's the Mike and El show. 

Will wishes he could change the channel.

He wishes he could change himself.

They try to start the conversation with him several times, Max included, having probably rethought themselves and their quiet after both Billy and Hopper's deaths. 

Plus, all three of them have girlfriends now. They want to make it even, fair, right. 

Will shuts them down each time and gets better at it each time.

Mr. Clarke isn't married and he's living just fine. Will doesn't see why that can't be him twenty, thirty years from now.

It's Steve, actually, who comes to him a month after it was all over, and he's tired-looking and seems a bit awkward, rubbing the back of his neck while standing in front of Will's front door at 7 am in the morning.

"Uh," Steve says.

Will blinks and is confused and honestly it's too early for teenage Steve-Nancy-Jonathan type drama, but he says, "Did you want something, Steve?"

"Dustin- well, Robin. They. Well, first Robin-"

Steve looks vaguely panicked before he takes in a deep breath and looks Will in the eyes. "It's cool to be gay," he says.

Will has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"I mean," Steve says, hair shifting with each little movement of his head, "that if you're y'know, gay, then, no one who cares about you cares and it might not make you cool, but-" 

Steve seems to be caught in his own trap of words, and Will is caught listening to this at 7 am in the morning, the ass-crack of dawn for him when he's been sleeping at four every night, in his own personal hell.

"I mean," Steve starts again before stopping himself and muttering. "There's a PRIDE parade in the city a couple hours from here, and i'm going to be going if you want a ride."

Will pauses. He thinks. He says: "You're not gay."

Steve shakes his head.

"Okay," Will says, "so either Dustin put you up to this or someone you know is... gay."

Steve makes a little sheepish grimace and shrug, waving his hands in a seesaw motion. He's incredibly awkward, and Will does not see how Steve is 'normal' and he isn't. 

"Let's just go with a little bit of both."

Will grimaces. "Okay, so who just, officially, who knows."

"Uh-" Steve starts and stops. 

Will stares him down, no more patience left. "Steve."

"So me, Dustin, Jonathan, and so Nancy, Mike, Lucas, Max, maybe that Eleven kid? Erica definitely doesn't know. Uh, Robin."

Will is trying to not throw up.

He turns around and walks back into the dimmer, cooler atmosphere for his house, and Steve worriedly calls out, following him in. He closes the door which is good, but also Will was sort of hoping he'd maybe disappear and be a hallucination.

Will sits down on their ratty couch, and after a moment, Steve does too.

Steve doesn't say anything and that's a relief. It doesn't completely fit Will's original image of him.

"Why- why you?" Will asks, putting his head in his hands. He knows they've been trying to get through to him. That they're worried and loss pushes them to be more upfront of something or another. He just wishes they wouldn't direct it at him. Not to mention, why the hell they would think Steve would work when they didn't.

And honestly, just- why Steve? Of all people. Steve's not cool anymore, but he was before and so he know what it's like to be cool and Will has never known that feeling. Will's never known what it's like to feel ok, good, proud in the midst of a crowd and the fact that the person right next to him has, it's not a great feeling. He feels like a loser.

He wants to tell his friends that, that that's the way they're making him feel with all of this.

"um, well, I have a car-"

"No," Will shouts, shooting his head up. "Why do you know and why are you, of all people, the one talking to me about this? And why- why do so many people know something that personal about me-" 

\- he asks, having known they all knew. But couldn't they have let him live in denial anyway?

"Whoa-whoa, whoa," Steve says.

Will wheezes.

"Ok, look, kid. Will." Steve says, "we didn't know. No one really knew. They just- well, guessed. And okay, well, let's go down the list. Robin uh- she said I could tell you if I really had too. Robin's gay. And so she's got a y'know, gaydar." Steve makes robot machine noises to try to ease the tension, but Will ignores him. "And I mean, Dustin, Lucas, Mike, they're your best friends and you guys spend a lot, like a weirdly large amount attached to each others' hips. They'd notice. So Max would too. Jonathan's your brother and Nancy's his girlfriend, so y'know."

"Why did you bring up Erica?" Will sighs, finally clinging onto one fact.

"She's been hanging out with me, Robin, and Dustin a lot lately."

Will groans miserably.

"So basically everyone knows."

It's not an act exactly, but somehow it feels like if he'd pretended it was a secret, then maybe it was before. And he wouldn't have to deal with them saying anything about him avoiding their attempts. So he doesn't know why he's reacting like this. He'd known they'd known. So why-

"I mean, it wasn't like, hard to-" Steve stops himself there. "I mean I'm pretty sure at school all the kids-"

Will feels the cold seeping into his bones again as he curls up into himself. Yeah. Pretty sure.

"Hey, hey, hey," Steve says, "Will. They know. And they don't care. I mean, that's pretty great. That's- that's a good thing."

"_I care_," Will says. "I-" He shakes his head.

Will hears Steve mutter under his breath, "Dustin's going to be so pissed."

So why's it so terrifying now, hearing Steve, who he's barely ever said a few sentences to, say it all?

Will finally pulls his head up and says, "Could you just- could you just get out, Steve? Please." Before his mom or Jonathan magically appeared and asked why Steve "the hair" Harrington was in their house.

Steve scooches closer and his voice goes low, a bit softer as he tilts his head so he can get a better look at Will's face. "You know it doesn't really matter."

Will doesn't reply.

"You don't need them to like you. Not even, like, y'know, your friends. You could live with it."

Will sighs loudly. "I don't know what you're trying to tell me."

"Just like, y'know." There's the sound of cloth shifting as Steve shrugs. "Nancy doesn't even talk to me anymore and she was the person who's opinion I cared about the most. I gave up my friends and popularity for her."

"I'm pretty sure those left by themselves."

"Well," Steve says louder, clearly insulted. "I just- you can survive being alone and not feeling like enough. I mean you survived the Mindflayer how many times?"

Will's shoulder sink. "Three?"

"Yeah! There you go!" Steve says encouragingly.

Will reluctantly manages to say, "Thanks, Steve," and to his surprise, he sort of means it. Maybe this is why Dustin likes Steve.

"Just-," Steve says, "just let me- uh" He's trying to go in for a hug, but Will just want to not deal with his attempts, but he lets it happen anyway, and it's sort of well- it's sort of nice. Like hugging his mom, but weirder and way more awkward. Steve tucks his chin over Will's head. "no matter how low you go, you'll still always have yourself. Plus, I mean your mom and brother? They're great. I'm almost jealous."

"Yeah, I know," Will says. "They are."

Will grunts, and after another minute, Steve lets him go. He pats Will's back awkwardly.

"So I've got to get to my job, but, uh- you think about the PRIDE parade thing, and you can call me-" he writes his number down on a napkin, "-anytime, and we can get you all gayed up." He winks, but it's obviously a forced attempt at cheer.

Will is dead inside anyway, and it's never been more beneficial than now, listening to Steve Harrington say 'gayed up' with an attempt at flair. "Yeah, okay, thanks," Will says, and Steve finally, finally leaves, and Will goes into his rooms and has a panic attack and cries a little and then cries a lot more and then has another panic attack and then, then, finally, he picks up his walkie-talkie and says, "When did you guys find out?"

He'd known they'd known, but Will wants to know when. Wants to know - see the looks on their faces and just- maybe have it help him understand all the thoughts in his head.

They're all sitting in Mike's basement around the DnD table, and it's almost just like before when they were twelve.

Eleven and Max hadn't been invited to this. Max had made a half-hearted comment about a boy's club, but Lucas had just made a face and said a couple things and then she'd said a couple things, and it'd gone on for a while before Max had rolled her eyes, glanced at Will, guilt clear in her expression. Max and Lucas had seemed to be better at communicating ever since the whole Russians and Mindflayer fiasco.

Mike had talked to El too, even if they weren't technically dating again. Will figured it was just a matter of time though. 

El hadn't seemed happy, but she had nodded, knitting her brow slightly. She had shrugged her shoulders, miserably, and Will had glanced away, heart caught in his throat. She'd been living with him for ever since - everything. But mainly it was his mom who interacted with her and got her to talk. Jonathan seemed to get her into music, but Will hadn't managed much at all. Most of the time they spent together was while the whole gang was together. Never just them.

Will forces himself to look again, and Eleven is not leaning up against Mike this time, and just for that Will's relieved, even if he's gotten used to it by now. They touch, his heart hurts, it's background noise by now, and Will's got other things on his mind.

The girls nod and leave, leaning up against each other, to go thing better things than loser-boy things, and they sit down around the table.

"So," Lucas starts, "we didn't want to freak you out or anything, y'know."

"Yeah," Dustin says, nodding emphatically. "We just wanted to y'know feel it out since you weren't talking to us, and so we sent Steve since he's a more neutral party and because apparently he dealt with Robin coming out really really well and he is older so there's that-"

"Okay, but you guys couldn't have just come to me directly?" Will blurts out before he's able to stop himself.

The three of them look at him, a mix of surprised and guilty.

Mike looks the most conflicted of the three. "It's not like we didn't want to," he protested. "It's just that we talked about it as like a group, and y'know. You didn't seem to want to tell us, but you seemed to be miserable about it all the time. So we thought maybe you didn't want to talk to us about it, and well, Steve is - Dustin said that Robin was gay and Steve is sort of like a soothing idiot and we thought you'd prefer-"

"Hey, don't put words in my mouth," Dustin says back. "What I said was-"

"Why are you guys arguing over this?" Lucas breaks in, "We just need to say sorry like we planned-"

"We ARE sorry, obviously," Mike says, "but-" He goes on, rambling heatedly. He's not looking at Will.

Will wants to kiss him still, even when he's not looking at Will. 

All of them are shouting, and Will is about to throw-up before he scoots his chair back, and it scraps loudly against the floor.

All of them immediately shut up, and Will rubs his hands over his face.

This kind of thing shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't need so much attention or reassurances or questioning about what it meant when it really didn't mean much of anything at all. Will would do everything Will would do as a person, just while kissing boys instead of girls. It's why he'd ignored all their attempts. It _shouldn't_ be a big deal. 

"Mike," Will turns to him, wanting to crucify him for all of this. "I told you. I specifically told you, and you didn't want to come talk to me about it."

"I tried," Mike says, shoulders hunching defensively. "You just wouldn't- I mean, c'mon, Will. You ignored us every time."

"So?" Will says. "So? That doesn't mean you get to- to - just - have like a whole meeting about whether I like-"

Mike is looking at him, brow knitted and clearly conflicted as he trips over his tongue and says, "Boys- Will. If you like boys or not."

Will shakes his head. "Mike."

"I just- you just-," Mike stutters helplessly. "We fought demogorgons for you. We did. Why would this matter, Will?"

"I don't know," Will says, voice breaking, hands shaking. "I don't know why it would matter. Because it doesn't because my mom would love me no matter what and so would Jonathan, but I don't-" he breaks off, choking on hair, humiliation turning his face red and heated.

"Will," Dustin says, softly reaching his hand out on the table. "We don't have to talk about it."

"No!" Will says, "it's fine. It's fine! You guys wanted to talk about so let's talk about it." His voice comes out firmer than he'd expected.

But they're all silent now, watching him. Unease and guilt on Lucas' face. Sorrow on Dustin's. Pain and guilt on Mike's. 

"C'mon!" Will says, rubbing his eyes now. "You guys wanted to talk about it. So talk."

"Dude," Lucas says, "this isn't-" His jaw tightens. "You're our friend no matter what, Will. Obviously we'd never leave you behind."

"Yeah," Dustin says, breaking in, "that's all. That's all we wanted to say to you Will. That you'd always be our friend."

Will just shakes his head again.

Lucas elbows Mike now.

Mike lets out a hiss of annoyance at Lucas before he cows and turns to Will. "Look, Will," he says, carefully contained in his own space. He looks straight at Will though. "We just thought that if we kept on showing you you could tell us, then maybe, it wouldn't end up like with the whole Mindflayer using you last time. That you'd tell us before it got too bad."

Mike gets kicked under the table by Dustin.

"Not, uh bad, I mean- that - that, before it got too serious, no, sorry, that's horrible too. Just- we wanted you to know you could trust us and that you didn't have to hold it all inside."

Mike looks slightly relieved at having gotten the words out.

Will lets out a little gasping laugh at that.

He scrubs his face with his palms, breathing on a count. Once he feels calm enough again, he lets his hands fall again to find all of them waiting for him.

Will sighs and looks at Lucas and Dustin. "I just didn't want it to be weird. That's why I didn't say anything."

"Dude," Dustin says. "It's not weird, and you never had to say anything. We were just worried about you."

"Yeah," Lucas adds. "You don't talk to us that much anymore. Which, sorry, is probably because all we do is talk about boring girls, but like, y'know."

Will does know.

"Yeah. I know." Will says, glancing down. He'd known this is how they'd react, and he loves them for it, always has, always will, but it's still frustrating anyway. That he has to be here at all, that he's going to have to forgive them to be friends with them when he sort of wants to both be bitter and mean and their friend.

"Will," Mike says, lips red from being chewed on, brown hair floppy, brows knitted. "You know you're, like, safe with us."

Will isn't. Not because they don't love him or don't understand 99% of him, but because a hypothesis that's 99% right still isn't right. It won't get you the results you want. He's not like them. And he loves them, but he has no one to share that 100% of him with the way they seem to be able to. 

Will takes in a deep breath. He wants to end this conversation because he hasn't really learned anything new. He supposes confirmation, actual evidence, is important for even the most obvious things. Still. No reason to keep on having his dumb gay guts splayed out like this in front of them.

"Yeah, I'm different, but it doesn't really matter, and all I really really want is to play DnD, so if you guys want to be like usual with me, then let's just play, okay." He says it a little too fast, but his voice doesn't break, so he counts it as a win.

"If we're talking about usual, we wouldn't play DnD," Lucas jokes, and Will snaps his head, sighing. Mike and Dustin shoot Lucas incredulous looks, and Will might've even laughed another day.

"Sorry, just trying to lighten the atmosphere," Lucas says, shrinking himself a little. "We'll play. Obviously."

And it's almost like normal for a day. Will feels normal for a day. He's got his three friends, and he gets to pretend for a day.

His mom tells them they're moving.

Not the same old then. Away from Hawkins - and him and El will be away from Mike and Dustin and Lucas and Max.

Away is good, Will thinks. He wants to go away. Nothing's been the same anyway. Maybe he shouldn't have wished that the plot would change since he has to leave them, but.

Maybe, this way, he can be a good brother and a better friend.

It's after Lucas and Dustin have hugged him and said their piece. After Max hugged him too and took the chance to say, "My dad used to call Billy a lot of things. I just wanted you to know those kinds of things don't matter," and her sincerity had been all that mattered. 

Now El is standing in front of Will, facing Mike and hands him the bag, pressing it between both his hands. Her hair is tied back and her shoulders are held straight.

"From me and Will," She says. "So you don't forget."

Mike's eyes are watery as he looks down between the bag and her. "El-"

"I thought this would be good," She says, letting go of the bag and his hands to let him open it. She leans in a little. "It's good?"

Mike does, drawing out the iridescent dice, imperfectly crafted. 

Will had walked in on El struggling with her powers in the room she shared with his mom. She'd only asked him not to tell Mike and Will had been fine with that. She'd asked what she could give him as a thank you, not as a getting-back-together thing, but just a thank you.

Will had licked his lips and sat down beside El on the mattress "Well, we've been using DnD as a reference for everything. Mike might like that." Because outside of El and DnD, Mike doesn't really have a passion for many things. Video games and movies, but neither of them can afford that.

"So a mini-miniature?" El asks, eyes wide.

"Uh I think that would be sort of hard, but we could do dice."

"Dice," El says.

"Yeah," Will says, "there are like silicone molds and resin that we could use and then we can paint the numbers on. It shouldn't be that hard. We just..."

Will doesn't know if can ask his mom for the money.

"Hopper left me all his stuff," El says.

"I- no, that's your money-"

"You're my brother," El says, making it partially a statement, and partially a question.

"Um, yeah," Will says, staring back at her.

"Ok," she says with a little head nod. "Where can we buy those?"

"I can ask Jonathan to bring us to a game shop."

El nods, and Will feels unsettled. He wonders if he should hug her or something. Squeeze her hand, let her know she's not alone, but she definitely looks incredibly alone, curled up in on herself on the floor like this even if Will is inches away.

"El," Will says suddenly.

She turns her head around, brown locks sliding over her shoulder in a way that makes Will's heart hurt. 

"You're my sister now, right?"

She nods, eyes serious.

"That means you can tell me anything and everything, and I'll have to always have your back. Because we're family and those are the rules."

Her eyes flicker down and her lips twitch as she forces a smile, looking at him. her eyes are sincere and warm anyway, and Will knows why Mike loves her. "Thanks, Will."

"Yeah," Will says, "no problem."

Mike is hugging El, the dice clutched in his hand as he holds her tight like he never wants to let her go and he probably doesn't. He knows they got back together somewhere between the deciding-to-make-the-dice-that-wasn't-a-getting-back-together-gift and giving-him-the-dice-that-wasn't-a-getting-back-together-gift.

Will wonders if Mike ever thinks about their kiss. About the one that wasn't Mike's first but that was still before so many of his other kisses. That should count for something, right? If he thinks about Will, who isn't his first of any of his loves, but who was there before El. Will swallows and doesn't draw his eyes away because he's not ashamed, and he's not bad ,and he's happy for them. Will wouldn't ever do anything to hurt them. 

Mike and El separate and whisper to each other before both of them reluctantly give each other a little nod, and Will's mom calls El over.

El turns, but looks back after a moment, and Mike's eyes never even left her, so they pause, and they smile at each other before El runs off. It's then that Mike turns to look at Will.

He has his serious expression on, and Will thinks about turning and walking away. This chapter of his life can be closed. He doesn't ever have to see Mike again if he wants to. He can run as far away from Hawkins as he want, family-sanctioned. 

"Will," Mike says, and he marches right up to him, not waiting for a yes or a no as he grabs Will and hugs him, and Will isn't thinking before he's squeezing Mike back just as hard, and he can't let go. He can't let go or everyone's going to see the tears and snot just rolling off his face, soaking Mike's shirt because he doesn't want to leave Hawkins and he doesn't want to leave his friends. He doesn't want to leave his house, crappy as it is. He doesn't want to leave his school, terrible and boring as it is. He doesn't want to leave Mike, who's never once really left him behind.

Except for when he started liking girls instead of liking Will.

Will's own shirt is wet with Mike's tears and snot.

"You have to call," Mike says.

"Yeah," Will says.

"And write,"

"Yeah."

"I told El to make sure you do."

"Yeah."

"And obviously I'm going to beat Nancy to the phone and hog it all the time. I don't care what Jonathan or Nancy thinks."

"Yeah."

"And if Nancy goes to visit, obviously I'm coming too. You'd better come visit me too."

"Yeah."

"I'll miss you, Will." Mike breathes.

"Yeah."

"I can't believe both of you are leaving. I can't believe-"

Monsters and Russians and Mad Scientists and mean bullies and DnD monsters. And they still can't stop the way the world spins around them. They're still kids.

"Mike," Will says, and he doesn't know what's on his face, but it doesn't matter because Mike doesn't get to see it anyway. "I think I'm in love with you."

Will sits in the car, looking forward, not wanting to see all the things he's leaving behind. 

There's a touch to his shoulder, and he looks up to find Jonathan looking at him. 

"You okay there, Will?" Jonathan asks, glancing away from the road for just a second.

"Yeah," Will says. It's just him and Jonathan in the car, and he doesn't like the part of himself that had been glad El was with his mom. He thinks it's good they're close at least. Both of them mourning Hopper in a way everyone couldn't. Will hadn't even been able to offer that to her with Bob. 

El is a really cool person and making the DnD dice together with her was something that was actually really fun, but the conversation had always fallen flat when it wasn't about the dice or giving it to Mike. They should be able to get a long really well. His mom and brother had both pointed it out, waiting for the two of them to click, but so far it hadn't happened. 

Will got where they were coming from. Both of them had gone to the Upside Down, wrapped up in the Mindflayer's power. Both had a tendency to be on the quieter side and they had similar personalities. If Will had had a biological sister, she would have been like Eleven.

But instead of them clicking, they just don't. Awkward silences and a few sincere offers of emotional help that are never indulged in by either side.

Will knows why. It's because every time he sees her, he can't think about what she's saying or doing. All he can focus all his energy on is stopping himself from blurting out: I love Mike - it's a challenge, a plea, a guilty admission - and it hurts me. It hurts so fucking bad, and you're not even with him, but he can't take his eyes off you. It hurts. It hurts, and I don't know what to do. By the way, I'm sorry about your dad and your powers. Also, I'm glad you're here, and that's not a lie if you're willing to believe me.

He doesn't know how to like, or how not to feel awkward around her. He doesn't know, doesn't know, and Will is so tired of himself.

Will is seventeen when he picks up the phone, expecting it to be Mike or Lucas or Dustin or Max, but instead, it's Steve.

"Hey, so PRIDE?" Steve asks.

Which is weird, but then, he's been asking every year since the first, and Will has always said no. Also, Will can drive now, even if he prefers not to, and he lives closer to where the parade is going to be than Steve does.

"...what time are you driving over?" Will asks.

"Well," Steve says, and Will rolls his eyes. "I was thinking Robin and I could drive over the morning of."

"Yeah, okay. Let me just ask my mom first."

"Yes!" Steve yells, and Will gets the feeling that that wasn't for him to hear.

El looks up from the couch where she's curled up on the recliner, reading a mechanical engineering textbook, to stare at Will. The Rubik's cube she's been working on stops in its motions about half way there. Her latest obsession. He'd walked in on her doing five Dayan cubes at once before. El's eyes are a bit wider, and he knows she can't help herself from asking: "Mike?"

"He would've talked to you if it was him," Will says, going over to the side of the couch closest to her.

El makes a face. "I know." The cube goes back to twisting its layers by itself. Her textbooks flips its page itself.

Will rolls his eyes. 

She elbows him, and he grins, glancing at the now still and solved cube. 

"So?" She pushes.

"Steve."

"Ah," El says. She obviously knows and is waiting.

"I'm going," Will says. He pauses, "If Mom says yes."

El breaks out into a broad grin and reaches out over to hug him and he hugs her back, pressing his cheek against her shoulder.

"I'm so happy for you, Will."

"I know, I know," Will says, sighing. Her hair is soft against his cheek and her shampoo smells sort of nice, and it's nice, the fact that El will be waiting here with him for when he breaks the news to Jonathan and his mom. He squeezes her once and smiles.

Bright and early, on Saturday morning when Will opens the door, it's to Steve, Robin, Erica, a disgruntled looking Lucas, a laughing Max, a grinning Dustin, and... Mike.

"What?" Will says, squinting. 

"Maybe I like girls," Erica says when he hadn't even asked, a hand on her hip, looking at Will like he's the scum of the earth. 

"Uh. Okay," Will says. 

Then, Robin, who Will's spoken barely three words to, looks at him, in her baggy shirt and jeans and rainbow laces of the converse she's drawn on and her rainbow funny bands, and says, "Go wash your face and them come out, Byers."

Will thinks she might be making a joke, but he does what she says. Along the way, he knocks on El's door lightly.

"Coming!" She yells, and Will makes his way to the bathroom. 

In the bathroom, Will looks at himself in the mirror and stares at himself intently.

"You get to be happy," he says, "You're allowed."

It's not particularly convincing, but well, Will supposes it's true. He is allowed. And they want him to be. So, it's, well, not terrible.

And plus, Mike and El kiss and are together, but the Mindflayer hasn't come back and Will said no to it and his friends said no. It's not the same old pattern. It's something new. It's good that he'd wanted this and that he'd gotten it.

He remembers coming home one day, young, he's not sure how young, but coming home after kids had said things, and his dad had still been at work, but his mom had been there and the look on her face after seeing him trudge in, his mom holding him, rocking him in her arms, seeming larger than life as she squeezed him, and he'd been despondent.

"it's okay, it's okay, baby," she'd murmured into his hair. "Whatever it is you want to be, it's okay."

Will hadn't known what he wanted to be. He's not sure he knows now.

"You just pick, baby," she'd said. "All we want is for you to let yourself be happy. Can you do that for us, baby?" She'd kissed the crown of his head. "Just let yourself be happy, baby."

Will doesn't know if he can. He does know, that, at least for now, he'll do what he can.

Will feels the phantom heat of chapped lips pressed against his own and the warmth curling in his belly as he looks at Mike and El in the thrumming crowd. Lucas and Max and Dustin and Suzie and Steve and Robin and Nancy and Jonathan are there, surrounding him, close enough that if he shifts a little, he'd bump into them. Mike and Eleven, however, had shifted off to the side a little more, having not seen each other in three months. Will's eyes fixate on them without his permission, and he realizes he's touching his lips before he pulls away and screws his face up into a smile.

His first kiss with his best friend.

How many guys get to have that? How many guys have a best friend who would've done that? Probably even Dustin and Lucas would've if he'd had a crush on them. How many gay kids from small, haunted towns had four friends who loved him and a sister and brother and a mother who would go to the ends of the earth for him? 

It's gonna be okay, Will tells himself, and tilts his head up to take in the bobbing head and the loud laughter of the crowd. It's the rhythm of their marching; it's the loud voices overwhelming his ears and the rapturous joy clear on their faces, the little rainbows on their clothes and- and- the guys he sees holding hands with each other and the girls holding hands with each other and the ones who he can't tell whether they're a guy or a girl, and the fact that it doesn't matter anyway because it's none of his business unless they want it to be and the fact that there's a stretch of clear blue sky right above them, and Will shouts because he can, because he wants to, because there are other things and other people and other futures. He shouts again, just as loud, voice joining the deafening roar of the crowd.

He shouts.

"Mike," Will says, "I think I'm in love with you."

Mike pulls back and stares at him, so much love in his eyes, and Will can see Mike physically restrain himself. His eyes glisten and his red lips say: "Then I must be really really lucky if you are."

Will loves him. He lets him go. It's so he can have a sister and so he can be, well, gay. Mike's the first boy he's fallen for, but he definitely won't be the last. 

**Author's Note:**

> Will opens his eyes, the sky dark around them, his stomach full with a late night breakfast, voice hoarse, cheeks aching, feet sore, dried sweat a distant uncomfortable on his skin, and the rumble of a minivan's tires against the road. He turns to look at his friends cast in the headlights of other cars, knocked out on the seats of the car and then glances at his reflection in the window.
> 
> He pauses and smiles, touching the dried paint flaking on his cheeks, and gazes at the rainbow colors and glitter that are left on his fingertips. He wants to draw all of a sudden. Put down the rainbows in his fingertips onto paper, permanently.
> 
> A rainbow ship. One his mom can put up on the fridge and embarrass him with.


End file.
